How many times have you had this experience?
You speak to a friend, family or colleague and ask them, “How was your day?”
They might reply with just one word like good. Then you ask someone else the same question and they describe their day in such great detail. What’s the difference here and what happens for you when someone shares in detail versus when someone shares very briefly?
This is an NLP meta program technique of small chunks and big chunks. The person who has shared in just one word is summing up their whole day in a big chunk with just one word – good. The other person is sharing in smaller chunks and describing their day with more details. When you identify this consciously in others you can choose to match them by responding in big chunks or small chunks. Now that you know this, you can respond in big chunks when someone shares in great detail and therefore improve relationships with NLP!
What are meta programs?
Our mind is like a computer and the software it runs in the background are meta programs. They are the unconscious codes within us that help us create our experiences.
Meta programs are a great tool to be used especially in the sphere of communication and relationships. They are the unconscious filters through which we sort the experiences we have in life and the information we receive.
How can you improve relationships and start enhancing communication skills with NLP? The answer is in the NLP meta programs techniques. Just like small chunk vs big chunk, let’s discover the other NLP meta programs for communication.
Internal and External Reference
Thought experiment time! When you are good at something, how do you know? Does it come from your own intrinsic knowledge or is it when an external party praises you and tells you that you’ve done well.
Where your point of reference comes from decides when you operate from an internal reference or external reference. When you have knowledge by yourself then it is internal and when you receive feedback from someone then decide you’ve done well that makes it external.
By using this NLP meta program for communication you can identify when someone is internally or externally referenced and improve relationships with them accordingly.
Self and Others
Are you aware of the needs, wants and perspectives of others or do you primarily look out for your own needs in that situation? This is the meta program technique which helps you recognize who is operating from a self-focused filter or an others focused filter. By identifying this you can build better relationships with those around you and enhance communication.
Procedure and Choice
Which was the last vacation you went on? Now as you think about this, notice was this vacation planned to the T or it was very spontaneous with many options available at the moment. Most people like to plan their trips as much as possible and have all the steps in place. Whereas someone might be open to a lot more spontaneity and have many options to explore. This is operating from procedure vs choice. When you recognise this in another person you can switch the meta program accordingly. If they are using procedure in a context then you also operate from procedure to match them and check how the relationship improves!
Visual – Auditory – Kinesthetic
Think of tea.
Did you imagine a picture or a video of a cup of tea? Was it the sound of tea being poured into the cup or maybe the boiling of the water? Did you instantly feel warm as if you just sipped the tea? It could also have been the taste of the tea and the fragrance of it.
This is an example of how we represent our experiences mentally in visual, auditory, kinesthetic, olfactory and gustatory ways. This shows up in our language when we use phrases like – “That sounds good”, “That is clear to me now” “This feels fun”
By noticing the visual, auditory, kinesthetic words someone uses you too can then match them by using the same sensory words. This creates a connection and rapport in the relationships and conversations.
Here are the rest of the meta programs you can use as well!
Meta program – The missing piece to the communication puzzle
The NLP meta program techniques are an incredibly powerful way to connect, communicate and improve relationships with others and create a strong rapport.
Every person is unique and has their own map of the world. With meta programs we can tap into and identify the uniqueness which then helps us mould our experiences and interactions according to the context. The meta programs are all important in communication and relationships depending on the various contexts. There is no good or bad or right or wrong meta program.
You decide which meta program will help you in the moment to improve your relationships and enhance your communication skills with NLP. So complete the puzzle of communication and relationships as you understand in greater depth the intricacies of the human mind!
